The legendary John Waters: The evangelist of humor delivers a “sermon” at the Neptune

One night only, on December 2, the John Waters returns to Seattle for his annual Christmas … umm, show? presentation? oration? This is likely going to be a hard ticket to get, but it’s worth a big effort, especially if Waters has become a must-see for those you know. 

Waters is, of course, the celebrated filmmaker behind many very well-known movies, some of which include Hairspray, Polyester, Cry-Baby, and Serial Mom. He also does one nonholiday stand-up show and one Christmas one a year.

The blurb at the Neptune Theatre says (in part), “We’re naughty. We’re nice. But we’ve got lice! Yep, the alternative Clause with flaws, John Waters is back with his demented holiday show that puts the gag in gagster, the hole in holiday, and the stuffer in your stocking. He not only loves Santa, he eats him raw and regurgitates him back up piping hot to eager-beaver filth-tartar lovers everywhere. It’s a whole new world out there, and you know what you have to do! Teabag the reindeer! Knock over the tree! Leave a holiday payday for your whole family to see.”

New show every year

The SGN recently got a sneak peek at what he’s planning this year. Waters doesn’t want to give it away, but he described this event as a “sermon.” “I do a new show every year,” he told the SGN. “I have to rewrite an entire new show twice a year. It’s a never-ending cycle. I try to make fun of myself first. I make fun of everything I really like, not hate. That’s why I’ve been doing this for over 50 years. It’s a 70-minute show. It’s like writing a little book every year.”

Waters learned to tour from historic celebs. “Oscar Wilde did it. Wilde did hundreds of shows in little towns,” he said. “I learned from watching my idols. Andy Warhol went to colleges. He did it better. He hired someone to impersonate him — until he got caught! I’ve been trying to get Steve Buscemi to do that for years.”

His sermon: Make ’em laugh

Waters definitely considers his show to be stand-up comedy. “I’m trying to be an evangelist,” he said. “For people to continue to have a good sense of humor about themselves and be able to laugh. And get along with people they don’t agree with. And listen and at least learn to help change their minds. 

“My audience is — no matter what their politics are, they’re not sure what to do these days. I try to make fun of everyone’s politics. That way we can bring it together in a weird, screwed-up way. Make them laugh at their own politics. Nobody these days laughs at their own politics. It used to be the left wing and right wing used humor. Then they’ll listen. 

“You don’t treat ’em like they’re stupid. You make people laugh, and then you have sex with them. Then you convert them.”

A traveling carny

Waters travels a lot. I wondered if he was concerned about having flight trouble during the shutdown. “I’m a carny basically,” he said. “I’m in a traveling circus, and I’m the side show. Vaudeville, baggy-pants comedians. I get to meet my fans — they get dressed for me. 

“I have fear of not flying. I have fear of what flying is going to be like in this situation on this tour. I’m afraid not to be on airlines. Not working. I live in airports. The driving force is that I have four homes and six employees. I have a lot of bills. 

“I leave at 4:00 in the morning, early check-in at my hotel. I go to sleep. I get up and rehearse and do the show, do the meet-and-greet. I go to bed, and then it starts all over again. I’m never in the real world. I’m in a plane, a car, the hotel, in the dressing room, and on stage.”

Seeing friends in Seattle, but not Dina Martina

One of the aspects of travel that Waters loves is seeing his friends in each city. He is here for such a short time, however, that he won’t be able to see Dina Martina’s annual Christmas show. “I see Dina all summer in Provincetown [where they both live],” he said. 

But he appreciates Seattle and its history with him: I’ve always had a great audience in Seattle. Even before I was doing these shows, my movies have always played there. I’ve been coming to Seattle since the very beginning. It was one of the first places my movies caught on. I certainly feel like I’m welcome there.”

New Christmas single from Sub Pop

Waters’ other new creative effort is a Christmas song — with an A side and a B side. “Little Cindy had a spiritual years ago, ‘Happy Birthday, Jesus,’ that was on my Christmas album. [This year,] I covered it. I made it a novelty record; it was not a novelty record when she did it. I’m a fan of novelty records. On the other side, I read The Night Before Christmas in Pig Latin, which is almost impossible to listen to. Last year for Sub Pop I covered the barking dogs for ‘Jingle Bells.’ These records are not meant to be played. They’re just concepts.”

If you hanker to hear these, you can go to Sub Pop or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1ilGorkB_A . 

For more articles and reviews, go to www.facebook.com/SeattleTheaterWriters. Subscribe at https://MiryamsTheaterMusings.blogspot.com.

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